Thirteen 13s I am unlikely to write, partly because of my indolence and partly because I consider the 13 a twitterary dead end

1. 13 life forms encountered on Phobos, during a routine mining expedition.

2. 13 surgical implements, disinterred shortly after discovery of the Bird King’s remains in the catacombs of Canary Wharf.

3. 13 unrelated episodes, arranged in the semblance of a narrative.

4. 13 self-published novels, destined to be read only by their authors.

5. 13 wishing wells.

6. 13 ways of lying with your eyes.

7. 13 unsolved murder cases, catalogued in a scrappy exercise book by a retired policeman suffering from paranoid delusions.

8. 13 cocktails, served by the Bird King to every tyrant who has ever lived and every poet who has ever loved.

9. 13 poetic atrocities, committed by Mr Punch, before an audience of children, grandparents, seagulls, whelks, fleas, crabs and lager cans.

10. 13 justifications for the Genocide of the Chimeras.

11. 13 insulting epithets, to be screamed at your enemy’s pet rabbit at 4 a.m.

12. 13 ineffable condiments.

13. 13 fragmentary prose poems with preposterous titles, considered a literary delicacy by some and a pile of shit by most.


This 13 originally appeared as a series of tweets. Copyright James Knight. All rights reserved.

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