Brexit Fables

Brexit Fable 1

Mr Cthulhu: Who here wants tentacles? Much better than human limbs.

Sleepwalkers: We do! Gimme tentacles!

Mr Cthulhu eviscerates them

Sleepwalkers: WTF! Our guts are hanging out!

Mr Cthulhu: Nah, that’s tentacles.

Sleepwalkers die in agony

Brexit Fable 2

Taxi Driver: Where to?

Passenger: Paradise, mate.

Driver: This YouTube video shows that Paradise is actually Hell. Stay put?

Passenger: Just take me to Paradise.

Driver: But you’ll burn forever.

Passenger: DON’T CARE. TAKE ME TO PARADISE!

Brexit Fable 3

Mr Phuq: Let’s build a house together! I’ve got enough bricks for a wall.

The people: Yes, let’s!

Time passes

Mr Phuq: I feel stifled by this house you’ve subjected me to. I’m off.

Mr Phuq removes his wall & uses the bricks to build himself a kennel.

Brexit Fable 4

The Bird King: You should stab yourself in the face with these scissors.

Bloke: Why?

The Bird King: To show the “experts” who’s boss! The experts who tell you that stabbing yourself in the face with these scissors will harm you. Be a man!

Bloke: Oh, Ok then.

Brexit Fable 5

Goat Man: Yay! Let’s eat this beef. ALL OF IT!

Sheep Boy: Ok. Hang on, it looks kinda rank. Is it supposed to be green? Also, it stinks.

Goat Man: We said we’d eat it, so we’ll eat it.

Sheep Boy: OK.

They devour the rotten meat and die in agony.

Brexit Fable 6

Maggot: We must push our planet out of the sun’s orbit if we are to free ourselves of its bureaucratic, unelected tyranny!

Masses: YES! Deep Space, not Deep State!

One: Won’t that destroy life on earth?

Maggot: Your point is…?

One: Nothing. Let’s do it!

Brexit Fable 7

Imbecile: Hey, who wants to shoot themselves in the face?

52%: WE DO!

Imbecile: Great! That means you all have to, btw.

48%: WTF!!!!!!!!!

52%: Pass me the gun!

Brexit Fable 8

Fucker: Hey, if you eat this tablet I’ll plant a money tree in your garden.

Credulous bloke: Oh, OK. What’s in the tablet, btw?

Fucker: Don’t worry about it. Cyanide. Nothing much.

Credulous bloke: I like money trees. (Eats cyanide pill.)

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